I’m often mistaken by other people as single, and by single I mean not yet a mother. Their most common initial reaction every time they find out the truth: “May anak ka na? Hindi nga? Hindi kasi halata.” The truth is, I’m petite and too young to be a mom, so I can’t blame most of them.
I had my first born when I was 18, during my “not yet a girl, not yet a woman” phase. I’m the eldest child and maybe that’s why at an early age, I feel mature already. Like any other teenagers, I was naturally curious and hard headed. Long story short, my carelessness and fieriness lead to another. I was so scared that time and clueless of what to do.
The moment of truth arrived, my family needs to know. No worries, no cheeks were slapped nor bags were packed. I am blessed to have a loving, understanding and supporting family. Never did they blamed nor cursed me for what happened. We thanked God for His blessing and faced a new chapter of our lives together.
Despite what happened, I still need to finish my studies specially that I will have my own child. I was an active student leader, and yet not a good role model. Eldest child and yet irresponsible and selfish. Yes, I shattered not only my dreams but a lot of people’s dream for me as well.
My non-chalant attitude towards world’s judgement and my positive disposition towards this unpredictable life helped me get going. Then came the huge twist that tested my faith. I was fooled by the man I trusted my life with. The chameleon showed his true colors. I almost gave up and questioned God. Why have to be me? Why do I need to be alone on this journey? Why now? Questions I know will be answered in His time.
I needed to be strong not only for myself but also for my son. My unborn child kept me sane. I prayed to God he give me a son. I feel so vulnerable and I believed that if God will bless me a “boy”, my only source of strength will become more powerful. I will then have my own Knight and Shining Armour, the kind that will not hurt his queen. After I heard his heartbeat and confirmed his gender, that’s when it hit me. Yes, I have a baby boy inside my little tummy, and he really does exist.
9 months easily passed. Pregnancy didn’t hinder me to pursue my studies. It was the midnight after my thesis defense, I gave birth via normal delivery. Good job anak, nice timing indeed. I cannot describe the mixture of feelings that day. Pain, excitement, happiness, exhaustion, nervousness and fear all in one. Finally, hello my little prince. He looks like me of course! I just have 2 weeks to rest then back to school again.
1 year after I gave birth, I finished my Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology. I landed a job in Makati then I had the opportunity to work at UAE. That was really a though decision. I realized how hard it is to be away from my child. I wasn’t there during his a lot of “firsts” and it really sucks. That moment when I saw a picture of my son crying at school, that’s when I knew I needed to go back to the Philippines. Luckily, I got a job again at Makati and I was able to see my son every weekends just like before.
Since day one, my family took care of my son. As much as I wanted to take care of him, I can’t. I have to work for our future. It’s hard to be a mom, but being a “single mother” is tough. Sacrifices are need to be done but what really makes all the sacrifices worth it is knowing that at the end of the day/week, your child is waiting for you. Material things and money can’t compensate ones shortcomings but time and memories are priceless. That’s why I always make sure that I have ample time for my son when I have a chance.
Molding a young’s mind and personality is not that easy. They say you can’t understand one until you become one. Yes, that’s right. Now I understand why my Mama was strict. I really hope karma won’t bite me. But kidding aside, it’s true that mothers knows best. I do hope and pray that God will constantly guide me on my parenting so my son will grow up to be a fine man.
I’m not the best mother, I know. But what separates me from the others is my experiences at this very young age. Experiences that made me a strong and independent mother/woman that I am now. I made mistakes and I will surely make some more, but now is different. Every move and decisions I make, I have to think and consider my son. I’m not perfect, no one is. Everyday is a test and learning experience. We just have to stay strong and keep our faith.
God gave me a bright, sweet and talented son. I always thank God for him. Someone asked me if I thought of having an abortion and I said “Hell no!” Motherhood is a gift. A responsibility. An honor. I have no regrets. God gave me a second chance at love and when the right time comes for us, I pray that I will be able to be a hands on mother and a housewife. I want to dedicate all my time and energy to my family.
I salute all the mothers in the world. Our job is not that easy right? So Working moms, single moms, housewives, moms working abroad, adoptive moms, step moms, soon to be moms and all kinds of moms, this day is all about us! Cheers and let’s celebrate motherhood!
PS.
If you’re not yet a mom like me, please do me a favor and greet your mom for me. XO
